I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dick has a subreddit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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