It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
