Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize