Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize