the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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