so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
