i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
