Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
