I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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