My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
