Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
