I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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