found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We are all done wearing pants today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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