i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's shark week go big or go home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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