I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was a blind-side dick pic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
