1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
