She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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