Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
