I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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