I accidentally had phone sex last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
