I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
