Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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