it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
