Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
