So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
