dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
