guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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