there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
