Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
