could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize