Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize