There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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