Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
