those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
