her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize