we have officially mastered the walk of shame
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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