i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize