I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
