No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
