i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
