There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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