theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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