3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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