I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
love makes seman taste better
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize