call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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