Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
