is your mom at the bar?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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