what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
