I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
