does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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