Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
