I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
