Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
