So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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