I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
