Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
