I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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