so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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