Do you still have your period?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
