Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
