I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
