tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
