Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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