So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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