Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
