I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
