I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
