I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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