does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
