I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
