Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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