I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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