Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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