We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
