Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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