I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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