i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
