I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
