get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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