i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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